Faith In The Unfaithful
The Oxford Dictionary defines ‘Infidelity’ as the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or the other sexual partner or disbelief in a particular religion, especially Christianity. This definition has forced me to take a different outlook on life. It has compelled me to question the meaning of faith. The Supreme Court of India ruled last year that adultery is no longer a crime. This was rightfully hailed as one of the best judgements of the Judiciary. However, this again got me thinking: what initiates infidelity? Is it really someone’s fault?
To make matters more interesting, let us imagine a scenario. Let us imagine a middle aged couple. The husband is a workaholic. The wife is devoted towards her household. The lack of communication and chemistry between them is unbearable. The only time they interact in the twenty four hours are when they are at dinner and that too with a minor ‘Would you please pass me the salt, dear?’ They make love once a week, on Sundays but the lovemaking seems strained and artificial. One day, the wife meets someone, a random acquaintance and they hit it off. They can’t stop talking to each other and even when they’re not, they keep thinking about each other. But they never really sleep with each other. Would you call this cheating? Why or why not? Although our definition of infidelity doesn’t include any references to sex, our primary intuition is that it is involved. However, that mindset needs to change. In this modern day world, where forming emotional bonds is so difficult and sex is so easy, one needs to take emotions into account too.
A lot of feminists would be annoyed by my earlier scenario. They would curse me for blaming the wife as being unfaithful to her husband when all she wanted was someone to talk to. I would counter that by referring to the fact that even if it had been the husband and not the wife, emotionally connecting with another woman, it would still be cheating in my book. But then, is cheating wrong? Whose fault was it that the wife connected with another man? The husband’s who couldn’t provide enough time to his wife? Or the wife’s who couldn’t remain faithful to her husband? Both of the sides are compelling. And hence, it is necessary to examine what faith is.
Being an atheist, faith has always presented itself as a stranger to me. Not only is faith an alien concept to me, at times it is even an enemy. I find it extremely difficult to subscribe to religion whenever I see news of a terrorist attack. My blood boils when I imagine the plight of women in several patriarchal societies, exacerbated by religion. However, several people have told me that I am extremely faithful and that my faith lies in science. I have countered them by pointing to the fact that science is objective and doesn’t require faith. However, in the end, I have come to understand the general philosophy. Faith is just another term for trust.
Hence, I have never felt the urge to cheat. Although I have never really understood faith, I have understood the meaning of trust, and that is what I have always equated infidelity with: the betrayal of trust. Every human relationship is built on trust and when you betray that trust, you become an infidel. I’m not bashing anyone. Infidelity is not always wrong. At times, it may be necessary. For instance, consider a spy working in the upper ranks of the government, who is constantly feeding information back to his homeland. The ethics of the issue are complex to deal with but what if one were to consider that a major terrorist attack was foiled due to the efforts of the spy? Would people still question the ethics of the issue?
To make matters more interesting, let us imagine a scenario. Let us imagine a middle aged couple. The husband is a workaholic. The wife is devoted towards her household. The lack of communication and chemistry between them is unbearable. The only time they interact in the twenty four hours are when they are at dinner and that too with a minor ‘Would you please pass me the salt, dear?’ They make love once a week, on Sundays but the lovemaking seems strained and artificial. One day, the wife meets someone, a random acquaintance and they hit it off. They can’t stop talking to each other and even when they’re not, they keep thinking about each other. But they never really sleep with each other. Would you call this cheating? Why or why not? Although our definition of infidelity doesn’t include any references to sex, our primary intuition is that it is involved. However, that mindset needs to change. In this modern day world, where forming emotional bonds is so difficult and sex is so easy, one needs to take emotions into account too.
A lot of feminists would be annoyed by my earlier scenario. They would curse me for blaming the wife as being unfaithful to her husband when all she wanted was someone to talk to. I would counter that by referring to the fact that even if it had been the husband and not the wife, emotionally connecting with another woman, it would still be cheating in my book. But then, is cheating wrong? Whose fault was it that the wife connected with another man? The husband’s who couldn’t provide enough time to his wife? Or the wife’s who couldn’t remain faithful to her husband? Both of the sides are compelling. And hence, it is necessary to examine what faith is.
Being an atheist, faith has always presented itself as a stranger to me. Not only is faith an alien concept to me, at times it is even an enemy. I find it extremely difficult to subscribe to religion whenever I see news of a terrorist attack. My blood boils when I imagine the plight of women in several patriarchal societies, exacerbated by religion. However, several people have told me that I am extremely faithful and that my faith lies in science. I have countered them by pointing to the fact that science is objective and doesn’t require faith. However, in the end, I have come to understand the general philosophy. Faith is just another term for trust.
Hence, I have never felt the urge to cheat. Although I have never really understood faith, I have understood the meaning of trust, and that is what I have always equated infidelity with: the betrayal of trust. Every human relationship is built on trust and when you betray that trust, you become an infidel. I’m not bashing anyone. Infidelity is not always wrong. At times, it may be necessary. For instance, consider a spy working in the upper ranks of the government, who is constantly feeding information back to his homeland. The ethics of the issue are complex to deal with but what if one were to consider that a major terrorist attack was foiled due to the efforts of the spy? Would people still question the ethics of the issue?
So, in the end, I guess I have only one thing to say. Infidelity is not constrained to marriage or religion. Infidelity is something which is related to human relationships in general. It concerns our basic tendencies as humans. And most importantly, it is not always wrong!
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